FreneticallyCalm: Unnerved in Privates - 11/29/17

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Male Performer Chat: Unnerved in Privates

Created by: freneticallycalm

11/29/17 @ 3:30pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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I did a Group Show earlier today and the couple performing REALLY took direction well, adjusted their camera angles, had a good sense of what was visually appealing and responded very well.
It dawned on me that I avoid doing Private Shows because models are often slow to react, show angles which aren't actually arousing and don't have a sense of how to navigate the camera around their environment or vice versa.
It's just nerve racking to sit their watching your credits drain while someone isn't doing what you want.
One thing I look for in models is a certain amount of technical proficiency and awareness. Noise volume. If they're talking into the camera or to a wall. How long it takes them to do something if you tip them in a Party Chat.

Does anyone else have these kinds of pet peeves?
What could models say or do to assure you that you're going to get the kind of show you want?

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Created by: Milo Player

12/2/17 @ 12:33am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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My opinion, this is just like in real life, u can't know or sense out of nowhere what your partener wants, is probabily best to comunicate. just my thoughts.this way you don;t wait hoping someone will do what you like

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Created by: Tevin Webb

12/2/17 @ 7:46am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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It is kind of the common thing when people think that if they know whoat do they like others should know it too, so the agreement comming only after talk, so discus your wishes more, and remember that here are a lot of people from different countryes so something that is normal in one culture can be totaly prohibited in another :winkwink

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Created by: freneticallycalm

12/2/17 @ 1:53pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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Yeah I agree :thumbsup

LOL! Cultural prohibitions are probably NOT what the problem is. At least in MY case. :orglaugh

I'm sure you guys deal with all kinds of weirdness. :smoking

And we're completely unaware of it. That's definitely gotta be awkward.
Yes, communication is important but I'm a talkative motherfucker. :orglaugh

More seriously ...
What I'm about to say isn't "fair" and I know that but part of what I enjoy is intuition. Does the model just sort of sense what I need or like, even things I may not be aware of?

I wonder if others have these types of nervousness reserves that I have. Sometimes it's good to just talk about it. Get it off your chest, ya know? :twocents

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Created by: mango50

12/2/17 @ 3:30pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Right, some models are better than others with camera angles and technical proficiency. I think there's "general" skill and "client-specific" skill. I'm the opposite of you, FC - I prefer private shows much more because a model can get to know my particular tastes and build up that client-specific skill. Sometimes it does not work. Some guys don't have enough general skill as a foundation. Some guys don't get it at all, others don't try. I stick with the ones that do try, and we get better at communicating with each other over time. And the shows get better.

I just had a second show with a guy who didn't really get it the first time, but he was a good sport about it and definitely had a foundation for good performances. So I gave him a second chance. Much to my delight, this next show was fantastic. Now I'm already looking forward to seeing him again.

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Created by: freneticallycalm

12/3/17 @ 2:11pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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Created by: z-money

12/3/17 @ 4:08pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 429

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I started off doing privates that were just more....private (lol) versions of what was already occurring in parties (i.e. cum shows, dancing, etc.), which ended up being 20-30 minute shows. But as I did more shows with him, I asked for more and more different things, and our shows are so much better, fun, and intimate than in the beginning, and go for an average of about an hour. I definitely agree that it takes time and communication to get the best show. There shouldn't be an expectation of your best show happening the first time you go private with someone. A good model will give a great show every time, but a truly personally tailored show takes time to develop, and they're amaaaazzziing!!

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Created by: tinymat

12/3/17 @ 8:59pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 15

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You make some VERY good points, honestly. I'm describing my personal nervousness. I didn't think it was rational or easily overcome. Taking things in stride, like you said, and giving people a chance over several shows is definitely a good approach. Communication certainly takes time and repetition to get right.
Are there any nervousnesses you have?

Oh yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I used to be since I have to explain myself a lot. I'm into some particular fetishes, and I used to dance around them and just hoped the model got it. Didn't work very well. Eventually I just said forget it, I'm being explicit, and it's worked better that way. These guys can handle harmless kinks!

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Created by: freneticallycalm

12/5/17 @ 4:17pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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Oh yeah, I can see where you're coming from. I used to be since I have to explain myself a lot. I'm into some particular fetishes, and I used to dance around them and just hoped the model got it. Didn't work very well. Eventually I just said forget it, I'm being explicit, and it's worked better that way. These guys can handle harmless kinks!

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Created by: Coreymoore

12/5/17 @ 10:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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I get that. I've always been outgoing but I definitely freeze up when it comes to being explicit about what I like sexually, especially in the moment with the person.
With models, I can direct around camera angles but I'm definitely nervous about discussing my real kinks. It's a rejection factor.
Especially after I've established I like them, I get REALLY nervous I'd damage a relationship to pursue more of what I want. I guess I clam up the more I get to know someone. That's not 100% of the time but it's definitely a thing.

I'm curious as to why members get nervous or skiddish about being upfront with their kinks/fetishes. You guys are behind anonymous screen names and can't be seen. Besides, there is very little most of us haven't heard about or been asked to do. Nothing surprises me anymore! And at the end of the day, if things go really badly you can always come back under a different name.

The whole purpose of sex cams is to explore things you wouldn't or just can't in real life. Tip: I've found a shot or 2 of "liquid courage" before signing on equals a much more fun experience, maybe it will work for you too? :drinkup

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Created by: Milo Player

12/6/17 @ 6:27pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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LOL! Cultural prohibitions are probably NOT what the problem is. At least in MY case. :orglaugh

I'm sure you guys deal with all kinds of weirdness. :smoking

And we're completely unaware of it. That's definitely gotta be awkward.
Yes, communication is important but I'm a talkative motherfucker. :orglaugh

Even if you like a model to have a good intuition(wich i get it) u might stil give a litle hint to them now and then

. And let's be honest, it might also be a mater of experience. models do get beter in time, trust me. they just need at least moral suport. understanding. and why not some constructive criticism

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Created by: 640509040147

12/6/17 @ 8:07pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: NY
Posts: 1,269

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Practice makes perfect.... in most cases.

I can recall one model who I had a private when he first started. It was all sorts of awkward: he was paying more attention to my credits/wallet than me, his dances moves were off, took too long to sort out speakers and there just seemed to be a lack of awareness.

I ended the show but he must have sensed/saw my dissapointment since he apologized non-stop. I sympathize with him and overtime had a few more shows with him where he came across much more confident and stood to his strengths. Communication is always key!

I'm curious as to why members get nervous or skiddish about being upfront with their kinks/fetishes.

For me, it's not about being nervous about kinks/fetishes. I'm very pro C2C and always let the model beforehand what I'm into. My nerves actually kick in when they ask me to get naked and/or cum along with them - even though I expect them to follow through with it.

I appreciate that they want to make sure I'm throughly satisfied but, sorry, I still have my reservation. But hey, if it helps, I always go back and rewatch those VOD from my library

:jerkoff

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Created by: freneticallycalm

12/7/17 @ 8:33pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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I'm curious as to why members get nervous or skiddish about being upfront with their kinks/fetishes. You guys are behind anonymous screen names and can't be seen. Besides, there is very little most of us haven't heard about or been asked to do. Nothing surprises me anymore! And at the end of the day, if things go really badly you can always come back under a different name.

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Created by: tinymat

12/9/17 @ 11:52pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 15

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It's not rational. It's a fear. Why does someone have agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) or arachnophobia (fear of spiders) or hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia (fear of large words)?
That was kind of my point. I think everyone has certain little fears. Sometimes it helps to just identify it.

I totally get where you're coming from. The fear of rejection makes you prefer keeping your deepest desires to yourself, and every intellectual part of you that recognizes how irrational that is gets shut down by that fear.

Speaking from my own experience - I have been mocked and dismissed a couple of times by guys on this site, and it sucks. It justified that irrational fear. Then I realized how those guys were not worth my time. There are too many good guys to get caught up with the bad experiences.

Our friend Cooreymoore here sounds like one of those good guys. I'm going to have to catch him when I see him online...

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Created by: tinymat

12/9/17 @ 11:52pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 15

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Created by: italianlooner12

12/10/17 @ 5:47am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 44

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Created by: freneticallycalm

12/10/17 @ 11:37pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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I totally get where you're coming from. The fear of rejection makes you prefer keeping your deepest desires to yourself, and every intellectual part of you that recognizes how irrational that is gets shut down by that fear.

Speaking from my own experience - I have been mocked and dismissed a couple of times by guys on this site, and it sucks. It justified that irrational fear. Then I realized how those guys were not worth my time. There are too many good guys to get caught up with the bad experiences.

Our friend Cooreymoore here sounds like one of those good guys. I'm going to have to catch him when I see him online...

First and foremost ... Corey is a God Damn freak. I was kinda "over" this site when he suddenly appeared and did this amazing cum show. Just ... ugh! Anyway, I definitely got sucked back in.
He's very responsive and interested in kink itself. He LIKES responding to your requests. He's a real performer.

Secondly ... Yeah, I'm a chickenshit. I could be in a war, I run a business, public speaking, I'm used to confronting tough political and personal issues. If you want me to tell someone I'm attracted to what I want sexually, I am a complete and total bitch.
If I shared my deepest shit with a model who completely said "No" like how you described ... I dunno ... I would not react well.

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Created by: freneticallycalm

12/11/17 @ 12:13am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California, USA
Posts: 63

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In my case, I have always found it very difficult to make a private individual with a model. In particular because the cost of a show is exorbitant (for me that I am a student it is a torture not always have money available) and, above all, because I can not find a model that has available bubblegum always or almost. Moreover, the very fact of having to spend money in a private person brings me, once in the show "face to face", to masturbate so quickly and frantically to ejaculate immediately for fear that the credits will end.

I agree with those who say that, especially with some models, individuals become stressful and unnerving because the model does not understand what to do.

Personally I prefer the public show by far! In which the model does what you ask calmly and you can "tear" freely.

I have THE EXACT SAME NERVOUSNESS! I like tipping when I see what I like or doing Group Shows where they tell me what they're going to do. Usually getting to know a model's kinks helps a lot too. I like chatting but I also kinda need to know how comfortable they are with sexual conversation as well.
Money can be an issue, of course but if you're poor and not cheap, most models have a realistic amount of sympathy. They can negotiate a particular experience for a particular price. So if you want a scene that might take 20 or so minutes and you only have 500 credits, they could create that scene for you without time being the biggest factor. It's a negotiation. So long as you're willing to spend a certain amount of credits for a particular experience, they usually aren't too nitpicky. It's a negotiation, so long as you're fair and cool, it's not the biggest problem.
Negotiation and continuing respectful relationships I can handle. Facing the rejection of my perversions. No.
Ugh. We humans are a weird, weird bunch.

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Created by: phillyccboy44

12/15/17 @ 4:53pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 11

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I have to agree with you it is so true models want you to take them private but take so long to do anything I know there here to make money but we're here for viewing pleasure it bothers me when I go private and the model is in other rooms and not really paying me attention they want the credits but some don't deliver not all but u have a lot that do it should be some way when u go private they can't be in other rooms. And also why when u tell the model ur going private they find so many other this to do to get ready I always tell the model if I want him to use toys get them get naked because most will wait until u take them private to start to do those things that is a waste of time and money last but not least models if we go private and ur doing a good show don't keep asking me to tip u because if ur doing good u will be rewarded

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Created by: twixel

12/15/17 @ 6:12pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: California
Posts: 919

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There are a lot of great models that will take the time to create the show or fantasy you are looking for. Some may be at a premium price but they are usually worth it.

I recommend messaging on flirt or DMing (if you follow on social media) the model you would like to have some time with, let him know what you are looking for and if he can accommodate. Work out the details and schedule the time when you have the credits so he will be ready when you are ready.

Models typically wait to get everything when they go private because many times a member will take them private for a great show they want to do and it turns out to be a fly by (a very short show just to see the model get naked or ruin a party chat that was starting to pick up)

Some thoughts that hopefully help, but remember that many models want to be able to give you the best they can and as much info up front you can provide the better prepared they are for you.

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