Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

8/3/17 @ 11:20am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two couples are playing cards. John accidentally drops some cards on the floor.

When he bends down under the table to pick them up, he notices that Bill’s wife isn’t wearing any underwear.

Later, John goes into the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill’s wife follows him and asks, “Did you see anything that you liked under there?”

John admits that he did. She says, “You can have it, but it will cost you $100.”

They decide that John should come to her house around 2 P.M. on Friday while Bill is at work.

On Friday, John arrives at 2 p.m. He pays Bill’s wife $100. They go to the bedroom, have sex and then John leaves.

When Bill comes home at 6 P.M., he asks his wife, “Did John come by this afternoon?”

Reluctantly, she replies, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.”
Next Bill asks, “Did he give you $100?”

“Oh hell, he knows!” she thinks to herself. Finally, she admits, “Well, yes, he did give me $100.”

“Good,” Bill says. “John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.”

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Created by: louisphillippe

8/3/17 @ 6:05pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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Good one Malteeser!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :orglaugh

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Created by: malteeser

8/4/17 @ 11:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day while in bed with her boyfriend, she hears her husband’s car pull into the driveway.

She yells at the boyfriend, “Quick! Grab your clothes and jump out of the window. My husband has arrived home early!”

The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “It’s raining like hell out there!”

She said, “If my husband finds you here, he’ll k i l l us both!”

So the boyfriend grabs his clothes and jumps out of the window naked. A group of marathon runners were just passing, so he decides to run along with them, carrying his clothes on his arm.

Curious, one of the runners asked him, “Do you always run with no clothes on?”

Gasping for air, he answered, “Oh yes, it feels so free having the air blow over your skin.”

Another runner then asked the nude man, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”

Now breathlessly, the nude man replied, “Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”

The runner then asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”

The nude man replied, “Only when it’s raining!”

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Created by: malteeser

8/5/17 @ 4:16am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

Man: “Hello?”

Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”

Man: “Yes.”

Woman: “I’m at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only 1200 dollars right now, down from 1900. Is it okay if I buy it?”

Man: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”

Woman: “Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one that I really, really liked.”

Man: “How much?”

Woman: “80.000.”

Man: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras.”

Woman: “Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house that we looked at last year is back on the market. They’re asking 1,500,000.”

Man: “Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, but no more than 1,250,000.”

Woman: “Wow, great! I’ll see you later! I love you!”

Man: “Love you too, bye!”

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks, “Anyone know whose phone this is?”

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Created by: malteeser

8/9/17 @ 3:04am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A soldier ran up to a nun out of breath and asked "Please, may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later 2 military police ran up and asked,"Sister,have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied "He went that way." After the MPs ran off,the soldier crawled out from under her skirt,and said "I can't thank you enough sister,you see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan... The nun said "I understand completely". The soldier added "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" Nun replied "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of bollocks!"....."I don't want to go to Afghanistan either!"

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Created by: malteeser

8/9/17 @ 2:24pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two elderly ladies, Maxine and Gilda, had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, with their declining physical fitness and somewhat slower mental capacity, their activities had been limited to playing cards a few times a week.

One day when playing cards, Maxine looked at Gilda and said, “Now don’t get mad at me. I know we’ve been friends a long time, but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please remind me what your name is.”

Gilda glared at her friend. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared.

Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”

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Created by: malteeser

8/10/17 @ 2:36am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh theater, as people were taking their seats for the show. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”

The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient.

“Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.”

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher, who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager.

In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success.

Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, “Alright buddy, what’s your name?”

“Sam,” the man moaned.

“Where ya from, Sam?”

With pain in his voice, Sam replied “… the balcony.”

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Created by: malteeser

8/10/17 @ 10:35am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Three women who work in the same office notice that their female boss has started leaving work early every day.

One day they decide that after she leaves, they’ll take off early, too. After all, she never calls or comes back, so how is she to know?

The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She does a little gardening, watches a movie and then goes to bed early.

The redhead is elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde is also very happy to be home early, but as she goes upstairs she hears noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the door a crack and is mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS!

Ever so gently, she closes the door and creeps out of her house.

The next day, the brunette and the redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wants to leave early also, she exclaims, “NO WAY! I almost got caught yesterday!”

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Created by: role_model

8/11/17 @ 1:37am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 7

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** REMOVED BY ADMINISTRATOR **

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Created by: malteeser

8/13/17 @ 2:11am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Colin raises his hand and says, “He’s in heaven.”

Lizzie answers, “He’s in my heart.”

Jimmy waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”

The surprised teacher asks Jimmy how he knows this.

“Well,” Jimmy says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'”

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Created by: malteeser

9/1/17 @ 3:42am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A lady walks into Harrods. She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her – Good looking as well.

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.

He politely greets the lady with, ‘Good day, Madam. How may we help You today?

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little ‘incident’, she asks, ‘what is the price of this Lovely bracelet?’

He answers, “Madam – if you farted just looking at it – you’re going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!”

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Created by: malteeser

9/2/17 @ 5:14am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A teacher asked her students to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Mary said, “My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating.”

The teacher said, “That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’”

Sally raised her hand and said, “My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated.”

The teacher said, “Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate.’”

Little Johnny raised his hand.

The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

Johnny said loudly, “My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons.”

The teacher said, “That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word ‘fascinate’ in your sentence.”

Little Johnny continued, “But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!”

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Created by: louisphillippe

9/5/17 @ 4:12am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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....

Awesome jokes Malteeser!!!! :thumbsup

You always make my day brighter.... :orglaugh

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Created by: malteeser

1/26/21 @ 12:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

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Created by: Cesar Lee

1/28/21 @ 8:52am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Put ur joke here and smile:

Weight Loss

A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
�There are 3 options � Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.�
He chooses Option 1.
�Go to the elevator and press number 1.�
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
�Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me�.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!

:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
�Press 2 on the elevator.�
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
�You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.�
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
�Elevator. Press Button number 3.�
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
�Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!�

hahahaha lol It was very good, this one I can't stop laughing

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