Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

3/18/15 @ 11:26am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

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Created by: malteeser

3/19/15 @ 12:21pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "Ain't no use knockin'! There's no paper on this side either!"

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Created by: malteeser

3/20/15 @ 7:25am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy.

"Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no" he replies.
"Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
"Im afraid I cant" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"Tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."

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Created by: malteeser

3/21/15 @ 11:50am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A girlfriend walks out of the shower and says to her boyfriend, "Honey, I shaved myself down there... Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."

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Created by: malteeser

3/23/15 @ 6:25am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man.

"My father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said.

"Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "he's under the load of hay."

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Created by: malteeser

3/23/15 @ 6:30am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A boy walks in on his mom and dad having sex. He asks, "What are you doing?" The dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" The boy says, "Well, do her doggy style I want a puppy."

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Created by: malteeser

3/24/15 @ 11:18am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

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Created by: malteeser

3/25/15 @ 10:41am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face, and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!" Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut." Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?" Sally replied, "No, salty." Mom fainted.

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Created by: louisphillippe

3/25/15 @ 10:00pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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The best time of my day is to read this thread.. :orglaugh

Thank you Malteeser and others!!! ( especially Malteeser!!! ) :thumbsup

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Created by: Polo H

3/25/15 @ 10:48pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Created by: Tommy Fit

3/26/15 @ 3:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A little Russian humor?

Old Joke

Once one girl has come upset home... Mum has asked her: - Whats happened darling??
- Mum, in school tell that my face as an ass... - Ohhh.... no darling, everything is all right! U have a beautiful face... Go take a walk! ;)
Then the girl happy has gone for a walk! On road she has seen the open hatch... Has bent to look, and therefrom - Hey hey! Not shit here! Here people working!!
:winkwink

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Created by: malteeser

3/26/15 @ 11:43am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day. After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The little boy says no. "Then you can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The little boy says no. "Well, then you can't have a beer." Another 20 minutes passes, and the little boy opens a bag of potato chips. The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."

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Created by: Jay Fox

3/26/15 @ 11:55am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Created by: malteeser

3/27/15 @ 2:17pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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An old man and a old woman met at an retirement home. They had been dating for quite some time now and one day the old man asks, "If I pull out my penis, would you hold it?" The women agrees and so everyday they would sit on a bench in the garden and the woman would hold the man's penis. One day the woman went to the garden early and found the man with another woman. She approached the man and asked what the other woman has that she doesn't. The man replied gleefully "Parkinsons"!

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Created by: malteeser

3/30/15 @ 9:42am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere, a magical genie arrives and grants the statues each one wish to be fulfilled. Both the female and male statues agree on 15 minutes as a real man and woman in the bushes behind them to "get things done." The genie gives a knowing grin and grants the wish. The man and woman immediately jump behind the bushes and screaming sounds and laughter can be heard from their activities. 12 minutes later they return to the front of the bush again claiming they are finished. "Well now, that was kinda quick!" the genie says. "You can do it a second time for the remaining 3 minutes if you want," the genie tells them, winking his eye. Both the female and male look at each other and smile. The man says to the woman, "Okay great, but this time you get to hold the pigeon so I can shit on him!"

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Created by: malteeser

3/31/15 @ 6:12am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant travelling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

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Created by: malteeser

3/31/15 @ 10:37am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A joke in Spanish (with English translation) for my Colombian friends:

Muere un eminente cardiologo y sus amigos y familiares deciden hacerle un grandioso y pomposo funeral. En medio de la iglesia, y detras del ataud, se encontraba un gigantesco corazon todo cubierto de flores. Terminado el servicio funebre, el corazon se abre en dos, se oye una hermosa musica y el ataud se desliza suavemente dentro del corazon. Luego, las dos puertas se cierran y el ataud desaparece de la vista de los presentes, encerrado para toda la eternidad en el hermoso corazon. En ese momento se oye la risa de uno de los amigos del difunto. Todo el mundo se da vuelta para mirarlo y el senor se disculpa diciendo:
- Perdon, lo siento mucho, es que de momento me puse a pensar en mi propio funeral ... soy ginecologo!

An eminent cardiologist dies and his friends and family decide to make a grandiose and pompous funeral. In the midst of the Church, and behind the coffin, there was a giant heart covered with flowers. After the funeral service, the heart opens into two, beautiful music is played and the coffin slides smoothly inside the heart. Then both parts of the heart are closed and the coffin disappears from view, locked for all eternity in the beautiful heart. At that time, laughter of one of the friends of the deceased is heard. Everyone turns to look at him and the man apologizes saying:
- Sorry, I'm sorry, this moment I started thinking about my own funeral ... I am a gynecologist!

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Created by: Chris Jerico

3/31/15 @ 10:51am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Created by: louisphillippe

3/31/15 @ 11:28pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Momentarely in this galaxy while the mother ship r
Posts: 1,234

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They get better every day Malteeser!!!! :orglaugh

THANK YOU MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup

You give some life to this otherwise dead forum... :angel

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Created by: stinks

4/1/15 @ 9:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: member since february 2010
Posts: 1,039

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Malteeser LOL

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