Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: malteeser

8/21/14 @ 2:38pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Carlos and Martha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot,"he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Gonzales have company," he called out. "Andres is riding a new bike and the Rojas are having sex."

Mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their son is standing out on the balcony too," replied the boy.

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Created by: malteeser

8/22/14 @ 10:16am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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"You're in remarkable shape for a man your age," said the doctor to the ninety-year old man after the examination.

"I know it," said the old gentleman. "I've really got only one complaint-my sex drive is too high. Got anything you can do for that, Doc?"

The doctor's mouth dropped open. "Your what?!" he gasped.

"My sex drive," said the old man. "It's too high, and I'd like to have you lower it if you can."

"Lower it?!" exclaimed the doctor, still unable to believe what the ninety-year old gentleman was saying. "Just what do you consider 'high'?"

"These days it seems like it's all in my head, Doc," said the old man, "and I'd like to have you lower it a couple of feet if you can."

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Created by: malteeser

8/23/14 @ 9:19am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York's finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating.

"Oh God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where his testicles fill up rapidly with semen. If he doesn't do what he is doing at least 5 times per day, he could swell up and he might die"

"Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen, "I was unaware that such a medical condition existed."

On the same floor they soon passed another room where a young, blonde nurse was performing oral sex on another patient.

"Oh my God," said the Queen, "What's happening here?"

The doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

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Created by: malteeser

8/25/14 @ 11:45am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked �Is my time up?� God answered, �No, you have another 40 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.�

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was hit by a car and died immediately.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, �I thought you said I had another 40 years, why didn�t you pull me from out of the path of the car?�

God replied, �I didn�t recognize you.�

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Created by: malteeser

8/26/14 @ 10:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Tyler raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes, but asked Tyler to be quick. Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted. The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way. Well, five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for a while, to help him find the bathroom. So, Tommy and Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?" Tommy is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

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Created by: malteeser

8/27/14 @ 3:03pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Carlos gets a call from his girlfriend, Lisa. "I've got a problem," says Lisa.
"What's the matter?" asks Carlos.
"Well, I've bought this jigsaw puzzle, but it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I can't find any edges."
"What's the picture of?" asks Carlos.
"It's of a big rooster," replies Lisa.
"All right," says Carlos, "I'll come over and have a look."

So he goes over to Lisa's house and Lisa greets him saying, "Thanks for coming over."
Lisa leads Carlos into her kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table.
Carlos looks at the jigsaw and then turns to Lisa and says, "For fuck's sake - put the cornflakes back in the box!"

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Created by: trunder

8/27/14 @ 3:56pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 175

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Best one yet! I'm still laughing and most likely will all night when I think of this.

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Created by: malteeser

8/29/14 @ 3:05pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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There were three people stranded on an island, Melissa, Veronica, and Sara.
Melissa looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one,Veronica, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. Veronica had a lot more endurance than Melissa, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So Sara thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, fifteen miles, and finally nineteen miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

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Created by: malteeser

8/30/14 @ 10:39am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A woman goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. Bring your two female parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying ...that phrase... in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

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Created by: malteeser

9/1/14 @ 10:20am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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On the last day of kindergarten, the little ones brought presents for the teacher.

The florist's son gave her a box. She hook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it flowers?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Then the candy store owner's son gave her his package. She shook it, held it up, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Is it a box of candy?"

"That's right!" said the boy.

Next the liquor store owner's son handed her his box.

She shook it, held it up, and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "I bet I know what it is. Is it wine?"

"No," said the boy.

She touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it Champagne?"

"No," said the boy.

"I give up. What is it?"

The boy grinned. "A puppy!

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Created by: malteeser

9/2/14 @ 11:13am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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At school, Little Andy was told by a classmate that most adults hide at least one dark secret and this makes it very easy to blackmail them merely by saying, "I know the whole truth."

So Little Andy decides to try it out. When he arrives home from school that day, he says to his mother, "I know the whole truth." His mother looks shocked, quickly finds $20, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, Little Andy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." His father looks shocked, quickly finds $40, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your mother."

The next morning, Little Andy is on his way to school when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy decides to try again. "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops his mailbag, throws opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real daddy a nice big hug!"

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Created by: malteeser

9/3/14 @ 12:44pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, "Bobby, when I was young I was told if that I made an ugly face, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

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Created by: malteeser

9/4/14 @ 12:55pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties. He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it is not good to walk around without any panties on."

The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money from, the girl explained what happened. Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church. As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything walks back to the priest very calmly. The priest then gives the lady $1 and says, "Take this money and for God's Sakes, buy yourself a razor!"

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Created by: malteeser

9/5/14 @ 11:13am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, �Has anybody got a cock?

All the men stood up.

�No, no,� he said, �that wasn�t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?�

All the women stood up.

�No, no,� he said, �that wasn�t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn� t belong to them?�

Half the women stood up.

�No, no,� he said, �that wasn�t what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?�

Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.

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Created by: Peter Pizzoli

9/7/14 @ 4:00am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Two deer walk into a gay bar.
An hr later they walk out
One looks at the other and says
"man, i cant believe i blew 30 bucks in there!"

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Created by: Johny Storm

9/7/14 @ 4:17am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Ok i wanna say also a joke from my country,sound good in english also and hope you will like :D

``In one day one gypsy sleep and him find the God in dream.
Gypsy boy want to be rich :D so ask God why dont help him to win at lottery...
But God looked at him and say : If u wanna win why u dont play?``

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Created by: Jake Newman

9/7/14 @ 4:04pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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- Why are you havng two carrots in your ears ?
- Huh ?
- I've said "WHY ARE YOU HAVING THESE CARROTS IN YOUR EARS" ?
- Can't hear you , I got carrots in my ears .

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Created by: Tim J

9/7/14 @ 7:42pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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How did the telephone operator propose to his girlfriend?
A: He gave her a ring.

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Created by: Rick Washington

9/7/14 @ 8:58pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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haha...good one...u funny

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Created by: Marie Clara

9/7/14 @ 10:15pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Put ur joke here and smile:

Weight Loss

A guy badly needs to lose weight.
He reads a weight loss advert on newspaper.
He goes to the place.
The secretary explains:
�There are 3 options � Option 1 for $50, 2 for $100 and 3 for $150.�
He chooses Option 1.
�Go to the elevator and press number 1.�
On Level 1, he finds a pretty girl.
�Now you run after me. If you catch me you will fuck me�.
And he ran after girl, caught her and fucked her.
And he lost weight!

:D :D
Second week.
He chooses Option 2.
�Press 2 on the elevator.�
On Level 2, he finds another girl, prettier and younger.
�You run after me. If you catch me, I will let you fuck me.�
And he ran after the girl, caught and fucked the girl.
And he loses more weight.
Third week.
This time he goes to the top choice number 3.
�Elevator. Press Button number 3.�
He goes to level 3 to find a big guy, all muscles.
�Now you run coz if I catch you, I will fuck you!�

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