Josh Polk: Laughter is the best Medicine - 7/26/13 - Male Performer Chat

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Laughter is the best Medicine

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Male Performer Chat: Laughter is the best Medicine

Created by: Demonte

2/1/14 @ 5:27am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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Why blonde having blue eyes? - because water in the head....
Why blonde having green eyes?- because water has not been changed....

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Created by: malteeser

2/1/14 @ 7:12am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two criminals decide to hijack a convent and fuck nuns.
During the act one nun exclaims:
- My God , forgive them for they know not what they do.
Another nun shouted :
- That is yours, because mine is an expert!

Dos delincuentes asaltan un convento y deciden violar a las religiosas.
En pleno acto exclama una:
- Dios m�o, perd�nalos, ya que no saben lo que hacen.
Y le grit� otra:
- Ser� el tuyo, �porque el m�o es un experto!

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Created by: Demonte

2/2/14 @ 5:35am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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son messaging with his dad
"dad, what mom has between her legs?"
"son, there is paradise"
"dad, what do you have between your legs?"
"there is a key to paradise"
"ok dad, i think you need hurry go to home, seems like our neighbour has duplicate of your key...."

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Created by: malteeser

2/3/14 @ 10:50am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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My aunt walks in a sex shop and says:
- Listen, I want a dildo.
- Well, look , you can choose from all these models here.
After a while:
- Have you already chosen?
- Yes, I wanted that red on the left.
- Sorry, madam, the dildos are all to the right of the fire extinguisher

Una t�a est� en un sex-shop y dice:
- Esto, quer�a un consolador.
- Pues mire, puede elegir entre todos estos modelos aqu� expuestos.
Al cabo de un rato:
- �Ha elegido ya?.
- S�, quer�a ese rojo de la izquierda.
- Lo siento, pero los consoladores est�n expuestos del extintor para la derecha.

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Created by: malteeser

2/4/14 @ 6:35am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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The Smiths had no c h i l d r e n and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...."

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.

"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?"

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."

"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!!

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Created by: malteeser

2/5/14 @ 10:40am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two jokes with Spanish translation:

A boy asks his mother:
- Mom, mom, does light eats?
- How can eat light? - she responds.
- I do not know - the boy says - But Dad was saying yesterday to the maid:
- Turn off the light: you're going to eat it all.

Un ni�o le pregunta a su madre:
- �Mam�, mam�, la luz se come?
- �C�mo se va a comer la luz? - responde la madre.
- No lo s� - dice el ni�o - Pero Pap� le dec�a ayer a la criada:
- Apaga la luz que te la vas a comer toda.

A boy asks another boy:
- You, what's your name?
And the other answers:
- I?, Paul, but when sneezing everybody calls me Jesus.

Un ni�o le dice a otro:
- T�, �c�mo te llamas?.
Y el otro contesta:
- Yo, Pablo, pero cuando estornudo todos me llaman Jes�s.

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Created by: trunder

2/9/14 @ 11:08pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Posts: 175

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thanks for all of the good laughs

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Created by: malteeser

2/10/14 @ 2:59pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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There are a mother and her three year old son at the movies. In the back row, there is a couple kissing, touching, and getting hotter and hotter. Suddenly the boy says:
- Mom, Mom, snot!
The mother grabs a tissue, and wipes a small nose, and the boy says:
- Not there, ...IN THE EAR!

Est�n una madre y su hijo de tres a�os en el cine. En la fila de atr�s, se encuentra una pareja de novios bes�ndose, toc�ndose, y poni�ndose cada vez m�s calientes. De pronto dice el ni�o:
- �Mam�, mam�, mocos!.
La madre coje un pa�uelo, lo acerca a la nariz del peque�o, y el ni�o dice:
- Ah� no, ... �EN LA OREJA!.

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Created by: malteeser

2/11/14 @ 4:27am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

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Created by: malteeser

2/12/14 @ 12:07pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A man died and was sent to hell. There he met the Devil, who said he had just introduced some improvements and now each new tenant could choose from three types of torture. The devil explained that these tortures ran in cycles thousand years and he could choose with which cycle to start.
The guy was driven by the devil into the first torture room where a man was being beaten with chains.
- Step to the next room - the guy said.
In the next room, a man was hung by the arms and two others were lashing whips tipped with iron. The guy shook his head in disgust.
Finally, they went to the last room, where another man was tied to the wall, totally naked. A statuesque woman was practicing oral sex. The guy said:
- Yes, yes, this is where I want to start.
The devil asked
- Are you sure? I remind you that this is going to last a thousand years.
- Yes, I'm sure. This is the place.
- Well - accepted the demon shrugging his shoulders.
The devil walked up to the beautiful blonde touching her shoulder and said:
- I got your replacement.

Un hombre muri� y fue enviado al infierno. All� encontr� al diablo, quien le dijo que acababan de introducir algunas mejoras y que ahora cada nuevo inquilino pod�a elegir entre tres tipos de tortura. El demonio le explic� que estas torturas corr�an en ciclos de mil a�os y que pod�a elegir en cu�l ciclo empezar.
El tipo fue conducido por el diablo a la primer sala de torturas donde un hombre estaba siendo azotado con cadenas.
- Paso al siguiente - dijo el fulano -.
En la siguiente sala, un hombre estaba colgado de los brazos y lo estaban azotando con un l�tigo con puntas de hierro. El tipo sacudi� la cabeza en se�al de disgusto.
Finalmente, pasaron a la �ltima sala, donde otro hombre estaba atado a la pared, totalmente desnudo. Una mujer escultural le estaba practicando sexo oral. El tipo dijo:
- S�, s�, aqu� es donde quiero empezar.
El diablo le pregunt�:
- �Est�s seguro?. Te recuerdo que esto va a durar mil a�os.
- S�, estoy seguro. �ste es el lugar.
- Bueno - acept� el demonio encogi�ndose de hombros -.
El diablo camin� hasta donde estaba la hermosa rubia, le toc� el hombro y le dijo:
- Ya lleg� tu reemplazo.

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Created by: malteeser

2/13/14 @ 6:36am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Saint Peter goes to a convent, gathers the nuns together in a row and asks the first nun:
- You have touched a penis?
- Yes, with this finger.
- Well, put it in the blessed water to be purified.
The second nun was asked the same question:
Yes, with this little hand.
- Then place it in the blessed water.
The nun placed fourth comes forward to the third place and Saint Peter asks her:
- Why did you not wait your turn?
- Well, Saint Peter, listen, if I have to gargle I prefer do it before Sister Mary puts her ass in the water!

San Pedro va a un convento, re�ne a las monjas en fila y pregunta a la primera:
- Usted, ha tocado alg�n pene?
- S�, con este dedito.
- Pues m�talo en la pila bendita para que se le purifique.
A la segunda monja, la misma pregunta:
-S�, con esta manita.
- Pues m�tala en la pila bendita.
La monja situada en cuarto lugar se adelanta un puesto y San Pedro le pregunta:
- Por qu� se cuela usted?
- Mire San Pedro, si he de hacer g�rgaras prefiero hacerlas antes de que Sor Mar�a meta el culo!

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Created by: malteeser

2/14/14 @ 7:28am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two jokes for Valentines Day:
On the metro train at rush hour, people are packed like sardines and a girl tells a guy:
- Please, could you move a bit away? You have something hard inside your pants and is squeezing my thigh.
- Oh, excuse me, it is an envelope of cash with my pay.
- You must have a helluva job because the salary have increased three times in size since the last stop.

An old woman in the middle of a church service leans and tells the husband:
- I just threw a silent fart. What do I do now?
And the husband replies:
- Now do nothing. After the service I will change your hearing aid batteries ...

Dos chistes para el dia de San Valent�n:
En un metro en la hora punta, la gente va como sardinas en lata y una chica le dice a un t�o:
- Por favor, �se podria apartar un poco?. Tiene usted algo duro dentro del pantal�n que me est� apretando el muslo.
- Oh, perd�n, es que llevo un sobre de dinero con mi paga.
- Pues usted debe tener un trabajo cojonudo, porque le han aumentado el sueldo tres veces desde la �ltima parada.

Una anciana en la mitad de un servicio religioso se inclina y le dice al o�do al esposo:
- Me acabo de tirar un pedito silencioso, �qu� hago?
Y el marido responde:
- Ahora nada, despu�s c�mbiale las pilas al aud�fono...

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Created by: malteeser

2/15/14 @ 6:50am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A boy asks his father with great interest:
- Dad, how do you know a person is drunk?
- It's easy son, you see those two men across the road? If I was drunk I would see four!
- Dad, there is only one man!

Un nino le pregunta a su padre muy interesado.
- Papa, como se sabe que una persona esta borracha?
- Pues facil hijo, ves esos dos hombres que vienen por ah�? Si yo estuviera borracho veria cuatro!
- Papa, si solo viene uno!

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Created by: malteeser

2/17/14 @ 10:32am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Sam goes to his boss's office.
"Boss, we're doing a major house-cleaning at home tomorrow and my wife has asked me to help with the garage and the attic, moving and hauling stuff."

"Sam, We're short-staffed," his boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Sam "I knew I could count on you!"

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Created by: malteeser

2/18/14 @ 8:33am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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An elephant asks a camel:
- Why do you have boobs on your back?
- Strange question ... - said the Camel - ... coming from someone who has the cock on the face ...

Un elefante pregunta a un camello:
- �Por qu� tienes las tetas en la espalda?
- Extra�a pregunta...- dijo el camello - ...viniendo de alguien que tiene la polla en la cara...

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Created by: malteeser

2/19/14 @ 12:56pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A drunk guy arrives late at night in his own house and shouts to his wife:
My little bird, open the door. I bring flowers to the most beautiful woman.
The short woman running and opens the door and says:
- Where are the flowers?
The drunk replies:
- So, and where is the most beautiful woman?

El borracho que llega tarde en la noche a su propia casa y empieza a gritar:
- Reinita, �breme la puerta que le traigo flores a la mujer m�s linda.
La mujer baja corriendo y abre la puerta y dice:
- �D�nde est�n las flores?
El borrachito contesta:
- A ver, y �d�nde est� la mujer m�s linda?

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Created by: malteeser

2/20/14 @ 12:31pm (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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Two old men are sitting on a bench in the park:
- So, my right leg is hurting me.
- That's the old age.
- That is what you say, the left has the same age and is not hurting me!

Dos viejecitos sentados en un parque:
- Pues me ha empezado a doler la pierna derecha.
- Eso es de la edad.
- Qu� dices, la izquierda tiene los mismos a�os y no me duele!

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Created by: malteeser

2/21/14 @ 8:23am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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The manager of a liquor store gets a midnight phone call at home:
- Hello!
- At what time does the store open?
- At ten o'clock sir.

At two in the morning, the phone rings again:
- HELLO!
- Ya (burp), at what time does, euh, the store open?
- AT TEN IN THE MORNING, sir

Again, at four, the phone rings:
- H!E!L!L!O!
- Ya, euh, (burp), at ...time, euh, does the euh store open?
- At ten in the morning sir, but I am not sure that, since you are so drunk, I will let you in.
- I (burp) don't want, euh, to get in, euh, I want to get out!

El gerente de una tienda de licores recibe una llamada telef�nica en la medianoche:
- Hola!
- A qu� hora abre la tienda?
- A las diez en punto, se�or.

A las dos de la ma�ana, suena el tel�fono de nuevo:
- HOLA!
- Ya Ya, a qu� hora, euh, abre la tienda?
- A las diez de la ma�ana, se�or

Una vez m�s, a las cuatro, el tel�fono suena:
- H E L L O!!
- Ya, euh, euh, al tiempo ..., euh, la tienda euh abierta?
- A las diez de la ma�ana, se�or, pero no estoy seguro de que, que est�s tan borracho, voy a dejarte entrar
- Euh Euh No quiero, euh, entrar, euh, quiero salir!

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Created by: Dirk Rider

2/26/14 @ 7:28am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00

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A nun walk back to her convent after having lunch at a local diner. As she reaches the front of the church she notices that two alter boys have there pants down and have just there dicks in the snow bank. Puzzled by this the nun walk in and says, " Father I'm not sure what is going on but I just saw Jonny and Jimmy out side with there private parts in the snow, whats going on?" The father replies, "I like two cold ones after mass!" :angel

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Created by: malteeser

2/28/14 @ 9:29am (EDT) | UTC - 4:00
Location: Chimba de Isla
Posts: 499

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A man goes shopping and discovers a new brand of condoms called "Olympic". Impressed, he buys a box. Upon arriving at home, he announces to his wife the new acquisition.
- Olympic Condoms? - she says - and what's so special?
- They come in three colors - he answers - Gold, Silver and Bronze.
- And what color are you going to wear tonight? - she asks.
- Gold, of course - the husband says proudly.
And the wife replied:
- Really? Why not use the Silver? It would be nice to finish up second every now and then.

Un hombre de compras descubre una nueva marca de condones, llamados "Ol�mpicos". Impresionado, compra una caja. Al llegar a casa, le anuncia a su mujer la nueva adquisici�n.
- Condones ol�mpicos? - dice ella - y qu� tienen de especial?
- Vienen en tres colores - contesta - Dorado, Plata y Bronce.
- Y qu� color te vas a poner esta noche? - pregunta ella.
- Oro, por supuesto - dice el marido orgullosamente.
Y le responde la esposa:
- De verdad? Y por qu� no usas el Plata? Ser�a bueno que alguna vez terminaras segundo...

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